Domestic Violence Has Many Faces

 More Violence I Have Put Behind Me:

In another violent incident my partner started pushing me down the hallway with his stomach, causing me to stumble backwards, because if he used his hands, it would clearly be assault.

I told him to stop and he wouldn’t. I said I would call the police and he said “Go for it!” So I did. He ripped the phone out of the wall while I was talking to 911, so they sent an officer.

He left before the police could arrive and slammed my solid oak, double front door, with such force, it jammed the side that usually opens on the outside of the other door. Now it could not be opened or shut!

When the police finally arrived 50 minutes later, the officer couldn’t get in through the front door. So I had to let him in through the garage. He kept saying, “You’re not going to shoot me right?”

After he came in and saw the phone ripped out, and the front door damaged to the point it could not be opened from the force of his slamming it, the officer asked me, “Are you the kind of woman who incites a man?!”

Not are you okay? Are your children okay? No–he insults me by inferring that I must be the problem here!

The officer did not look for him or arrest him for assault. He said that since he had not hit me, he would not arrest him. He minimized him shoving me down the hall and breaking the front door and ripping the phone out of the wall when I called the police!

I realized the police could not be counted on to help if you need it in domestic violence situations!

I Jumped  in the Truck:

This is the follow-up to being hit in a kill point by my partner in karate, and the police not helping.

My partner had pummeled me in the brainstem area at karate! Fortunately my training helmet stayed in place, otherwise I would have brain damage or he would have killed me in front of my children and the instructor. 

HE WAS IMMEDIATELY KICKED OUT OF THE SCHOOL. HE WAS HITTING ME WHILE EVERYONE, INCLUDING ME, WAS YELLING FOR HIM TO STOP.

I was in the process of getting him served for a No- Contact Order, but he kept dodging service and wouldn’t say where he was staying.

Unfortunately, he had a key to my home and had taken my home security remote. He also had his Escrima Stick from Karate and knew how to use deadly force with it. I needed to get the remote and the key so I could be safe in my own home. 

He had a violent temper, and had ripped a door off the hinges, in a fit of anger in a previous incident. I reported this, and his Anger Management Counselor minimized that incident! Everyone I turned to had minimized his behavior until he tried to kill me in karate.

All he needed was a way to be stealthy in his entrance to my home to be lethal and finish what he had started in Karate. I was terrified of what he was capable of!

I told him to meet me in a public place to get the home security remote. He said he would meet me at a grocery store by my home– at a set time. I went there and waited a half hour then came back home.

He was parked in front of my house when I got home. I was afraid because he defied the public meeting, where I would have witnesses if he attacked me again.

I walked up cautiously to his small truck and asked him to give me the remote and the key. He refused. I asked again.

He said NO! Then he suddenly accelerated, and tried to run over my feet! So I jumped into the back of his pickup bed!

I have no idea how I reacted that fast! I have very short legs, but I am fast under fire. I was in the back of his truck yelling for him to stop and I was attracting attention– people were looking at us.

A Side Note About Adrenaline: Some people when they are in an adrenaline state get tunnel vision and can’t see much in the periphery. I am just the opposite. I have been in a state of  fight or flight, while being threatened or assaulted so many times  that my senses are heightened, and I see very clearly in my periphery. 

I could see people up and down the road watching us. I told him “People are watching, I have witnesses.”

So he stopped driving and I jumped out of the truck. He said he wanted to talk-again. So I went back to the window but stood on a curb between me and the truck, making it harder for him to try to run over my feet again.

I was determined to get that remote so he couldn’t sneak back in at night and hurt or kill me.

While we were talking, I saw  the remote was hanging on his key ring in the ignition. So I quickly reached in the window and grabbed the keys out of the ignition and ran like hell for my front door!

He was in hot pursuit running after me, but I had a head start. I got in the house and locked the door. I got the remote off his key ring and the key to my house.

I told him to stay back from the house or I would call the police–Again! (Like that would do any good!)

He yelled that he wanted his keys back and I  tossed them out and he left.

I Was Victorious! I got my remote, and the key to my house, and I proceeded with a No Contact Order. 

And he seemed like such a nice man at church!

Reclaim Your Life and Find Your Happiness.

Take Away Points:

  • You may have to defend your life– even against people you love and trust. This could include a partner- man or woman, a child, a parent etc.

  • The police may not respond quickly. You better know how to take care of yourself.

  • Don’t expect that the police will be helpful in a domestic violence situation.

  • Just choose to live and deal with the consequences as they arise.

  • Learn Self-Defense Skills, because your fighting spirit and situational awareness may save your life.

  • Document Violent Behavior- with pictures, and videos. Tell people about what you are experiencing. You will need it later.

  • Establish a “Safe Plan” for your escape, with money, identification, etc. in case you have to flee suddenly. Figure out where you will go.

  • Figure out trusted “Safety Helpers” who will give you a place to stay or will be witnesses for you. 

  • Learn how to recognize violent, predatory people before you become entangled in a relationship.

  • I recommend the book, “The Gift Of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker to help you recognize predators and be safe.

  • Reclaim your life! They have taken enough from you. Don’t give them any more. 

  • Use the resources here to begin integrating your mind and body for true healing.

Attend one of my Victim Into Victor Seminars to integrate your mind, body, and spirit back together again.

I Will Teach You How To:

  • Get in touch with your fighting spirit,

  • How to own AND FULLY INHABIT your body again,

  • How to use your voice and body to set boundaries,

  • How to use acupressure to heal,

  • Healing Mindfulness Practices,

  • Qigong –an ancient practice for wellness and healing

  • How to use your breath to get out of fight or flight and to reverse illness

  • How to Reclaim Your Life and happiness and so much more!

–Phoenix Alexander

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